Title: To Die For
Author: Befanini
Website: http://www.fanfiction.net/~befanini
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights
whatsoever. For dark daydreaming purposes only. XD
Rating: M for language.
Summary: A proud, haughty, arrogant blonde
wants a certain hentai redhead DEAD.
A/N:
I regret to announce that this is my last fanfic… for 2005!
Hah! As if I could ever cure myself of this Sanzo/Gojyo and Saiyuki addiction…
I'm so obsessed with these boys it is sick. XD Till next year, then…
Happy Holidays!
P.s.
Very, very dark fic. I don't quite know where it came from,
actually… Could it be? The one who writes Sanzo/Gojyo romances is
actually writing such a thing? Unfortunately, yes. This isn't so much a
daydream as it is a nightmare…
---
Die! Die, you sonofabitch. Why don't you
just goddamn die!
Stupid
kappa. I'm starting to think Goku was right, after all, when he first started
calling Gojyo a cockroach. The bastard is damn difficult to kill.
I
should know. Buddha knows I've tried so many times to do away with the cocky,
perverted redhead, although truth to tell I'm not proud of myself.
But
I can't help it. Goddamn kappa. Fucking Gojyo. I want him dead.
I've
killed so many in my lifetime, it's true; and I'm not proud of that either,
even though it was honestly a case of damn or be damned. Survival. I fought for
it. At the cost of my soul, perhaps, but I wanted to live.
This
time, though, my reasons are entirely selfish.
And
so here I am again… keeping to the darkness and the shadows, as I follow on his
trail. I've lost count how many times I've done this, and how many attempts I've
made to finish Sha Gojyo off. All I'm sure of is this burning, compulsive
desire to see the bastard die.
I've
tried poisoning his food, and fuck that almost worked, except that the damn
bakazaru went and gobbled the meal up when Gojyo failed to show up for dinner.
The bastard came in hours later instead – in the wee hours of the very next
day, in fact; smelling of liquor and cigarettes and women and sex. Fucking
bastard.
It's
a good thing Goku has a stomach of steel, and was only seriously sick for a few
days, and eventually got better with a lot of help from Hakkai. Because let me
tell you – the dose I slipped in there was lethal. Enough to wipe out a dozen
youkai, and Gojyo is only half-demon to begin with.
And
the strange thing is, is that nobody suspected a damn thing; Hakkai merely put
it down to the food having spoiled, and Gojyo of course turned it into a whole
smug lecture of how the monkey's greediness and gluttony paid him back big
time. Damn blind, trusting idiots.
Another
time was when he borrowed the jeep to go off somewhere on a little trip of his
own. He'd promised to take care of the dragon, and to come back in good time
without causing anybody any inconvenience. Hah! Well, short of decapitating the
mini-dragon, I put all my powers of persuasion to work on Hakuryu, promising it
everything I could think of; if only it would perhaps throw the damn fool off
at full speed, or tip Gojyo over a cliff, or even run him over. Heh. You can
imagine how that went. Stupid Hakuryu. Just as softhearted as its
master. I should have shot that blasted dragon when I had the chance.
I
did manage to get Gojyo run over in my latest attempt, though – it
happened a month or so ago, one rainy night, when he'd been out drinking and
gambling and whoring like he didn't have a care in the world. I was there in
the shadows, as always, waiting and fuming and watching him as he carried on
like some kind of big shot – finishing off bottle after bottle, raking in the
money, with fucking whores draped all over him like snakes.
Of
course when his opponents gave up – either being too drunk or too broke – the
bastard then got up and made off with three females. Three. Can't you
guess? A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, of course. Fucking pervert. But I
waited. Oh yes I did. And when the bastard finally came down, smelling of cheap
perfume and reeking of even cheaper sex, I was there in the shadows.
And
the first chance I got, out in the dark street, I pushed the drunken fool –
straight into the path of a speeding truck.
Bastard
didn't die, fuck it all. He wound up with multiple, life-threatening injuries,
but he didn't die. Goddammit. He was in critical condition in the
hospital for a few days, but he really is one tough asshole. Even after I
sneaked into the ICU and pulled out all the plugs on the machines he was hooked
up to. By this time I was actually feeling the crushing weight of guilt, and
the even more unbearable burden of pity for his broken body lying there
helpless – and I actually did this last out of mercy… as much mercy as a
cold-hearted bastard like me is capable of.
He
lived through it.
I've
even sent several packs of youkai after him. Yes, I've even sunk that low. I've
actually gone as far as approaching the enemy, unseen, unknown, and whispering
secrets in their ears, giving them information about where and when to lie in
wait to ambush the stupid kappa. Not that they even present a problem to the
half-breed, but a guy can hope, eh? I'm not proud of it, but I've done it. I
still do it.
And
I'll keep on doing it, along with my hovering in the shadows, as I do now,
trailing his footsteps as once more he loses himself in the empty nightlife of
yet another godforsaken town. Nobody notices me as I take a seat at an empty
corner of the bar, and wait for him to finish. No matter how long it takes. I
follow him silently and unseen, and wait for my chance to deliver Gojyo to his
death.
I
know what you're thinking. "What a sorry bastard you are, Sanzo." And
you would be both right and wrong. I've always been a bastard. But you would be
wrong to assume I wish Sha Gojyo dead because I hate him. If you think so, that
actually makes you wrong on two counts.
You
see… I love Sha Gojyo. I love him so much that I literally haunt him day
and night. Literally, because your second assumption is mistaken too: I'm
not "Sanzo" anymore.
---
XxXxX
Come into these arms
again
And lay your body down
The rhythm of this
trembling heart
Is beating like a drum
It beats for you – it bleeds
for you
It knows not how it
sounds
For it is the drum of
drums
It is the song of songs…
XxXxX
---
Damn it, kappa, why won't you die? Why can't
you see that I die a little death every time I see you wasting your life away,
smoking like a goddamn chimney, drinking yourself to the gutter… groaning as
you lose yourself in another faceless, nameless body… and afterwards crying
yourself to sleep.
God
but I miss you – and I could bear it, I could bear you being alive still, and
me this lost ghost, forever haunting you if need be, if only you were happy
like I wanted you to be. Like you promised me. I could even bear
watching you jealously from the shadows as you make love to your beautiful
wife, and cherish your children with her, if only you had them. I could
bear anything than the howling emptiness in your eyes as you fight to keep your
promise to me – your promise to go on.
Well
fuck, what is the point in going on, stupid kappa, if you "go on"
as you're doing right now? It tears me apart to hear you calling the name I
used to bear… Sanzo… to hear you sobbing it in your sleep, or screaming
it when you come in yet another stranger's arms, or shouting it to the trees
whenever you borrow Hakuryu for your "drives" and you end up at my
grave.
I
ache to hear your heart beating to the relentless, merciless tattoo… Sanzo,
Sanzo, Sanzo… day in, day out, minute by minute, second after agonizing
second.
It
hurts not to be able to comfort you… It hurts that you can't feel the touch of
my hand as I ghost it through your hair, it hurts that I can't wipe away your
tears with my fingertips, it hurts that you can't hear my broken murmurs of
comfort as I lay down beside you when you go home to your empty bed night after
night.
I
miss you so, Gojyo… Who would have ever thought that I, Konzen
Douji, would have fallen so hard and so completely for the goddamn cocky
general.
And
that's why I close my eyes to the pain and suffering your human death would
feel, because I know it would only be a tiny sting over all too soon… and you,
Kenren my love, will be in my arms once again.
Ah
hell. I'm such a selfish bastard.
---
XxXxX
Let me be the only one
To keep you from the cold
Now the floor of Heaven's
lain
With stars of brightest
gold
They shine for you – they
shine for you
They burn for all to see
Come into these arms
again
And set this spirit free
XxXxX
-owari-
---
A/N:
Well,
there you have it. My first "K/K", although strictly speaking it's
Konzen/Kappa (as opposed to Konzen/Kenren – that will be coming soon in a chapter
of the sequel to Sol Invictus).
Although
this fic is essentially a one-shot, given the details of the last parts I
suppose you could call it a "transition fic" from the Longing stories
to Sol Invictus. However, I didn't label it as such – to me, writing
Sanzo/Konzen this dark feels unnatural and seems like a betrayal of my style. I
just wanted to try violent and nasty Sanzo once. I don't think I'll do it again
– I believe Sanzo is deeper than that.
Also
coming soon (whichever I finish first): due to 'insistent popular demand' (heh.
As if…), I present "the fic where Hakkai and Goku find out about Sanzo
and Gojyo". This takes place in the TORRENT thread, so I suggest you
refresh yourself with that series (or get acquainted with it if you haven't
read it yet). The dynamics of Barely Breathing, unfortunately, demand that the
lovers are kept deliciously secret; so the "discovery" fic
necessarily has to take place within the Torrent arc. In case you're confused
by now, a "guide to the works of Befanini" is available from my
profiles page.
Ja!
Happy daydreaming…
---
"Love Song For A Vampire"
copyright Annie Lennox.
Japanese
mini-glossary:
Kappa:
water demon
Bakazaru:
stupid monkey
Youkai:
demon
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