Title: Mine
Rating: PG
Warnings: Kissing and
light allusions to m/m
Pairing: Sanzo/Goku,
mentions of Gojyo/Hakkai
Summary: Goku wants to
know why Sanzo hides their relationship.
Mine
The rain was cold, a lot
colder than the air around us, though the temperature had dropped considerably
since we had dined outside two hours ago. I walked alongside Sanzo, listening
to my boots squish in the grass and occasionally splash up to wet my ankles.
"You
okay?"
He
looked to me with slight surprise behind his eyes, nodding. "Fine."
"The
rain still makes you sad."
He
looked as though he were about to say something, but nothing emerged. His lips
parted as if to taste the rain, and then closed again in a thin line. I nudged
him gently and changed his stride, slowing our pace. We were just out of Hakkai
and Gojyo's yard, beneath a thick-limbed tree. I could see inside their bedroom
through the glowing square of the window, fringed with green curtains. It was
empty for the moment.
"Let's
just wait under here until it slows a little bit," I leaned into the dry
bark and folded my umbrella with a little sigh. Lightning startled me into
looking up, and I was quickly distracted by the fair-haired man beside me. I
couldn't help admiring the way the ivory cameo of his profile stood out against
the dark shadows in the distance; his sharp cheekbones and straight nose gave
him an aristocratic appearance, but his lips were joined in a fine line, brow
tensed along his chakra. I touched his arm, and the muscles of his face slackened
a bit, as if in relief.
"You
look beautiful like that," I said quietly. He scoffed, rolling his eyes at
me and muttering something about how Hakkai's sentimentality was rubbing off on
me.
"Maybe."
I tugged at his sleeve again, moving to balance my weight on the tips of my
round-toed boots. Leaning into Sanzo, I pushed him into the rough, dry bark of
the oak behind us. Arms slid up around his neck, and one hand flicked at the
ends of his hair, grasping mostly air. He obliged, tilting his head down and
pressing his mouth against mine with a little "mmnf."
I
didn't mind straining my calves, and I would have stood like that all night if
Sanzo would just continue kissing me. He brushed a palm through my hair and let
another slide down my back, drawing me closer to him. When we broke for breath,
I beamed up at him, cheeks flushed. His were too, and more noticeably so
because of his complexion. I observed the tension of his brow had eased.
"If
I kissed you like this at Chang'an, would you be mad?"
"Saru,
we do more than this at Chang'an all the time."
"I
mean, if I kissed you in front of someone else there, would you be mad?"
"What
do you think?"
I
grinned cheekily, arms still slung about his shoulders, mouth brushing his
collarbone through the thin silk of his robe. "I think you'd be mad."
He ched and pressed his lips to my
forehead. I craned my neck upwards. "Is it 'cause you're embarrassed of
me?"
We
had been through this once before, when we argued over whether or not to tell
Hakkai and Gojyo about our relationship. He hadn't wanted to so do much as
provide them with a hint, and I wanted them to know right off the bat. It was
important to me because they were my friends. Keeping our love a secret at
Chang'an had never really bothered me because I didn't know many of the monks
well enough to need to tell him. (Though if it were my decision, everyone
everywhere would know how much I love Sanzo.) Fortunately I got my wish without
having to go against Sanzo's to do so; Gojyo's peeping finally culminated in
something useful to more than just him.
But lately unwelcome thoughts had been
creeping into my head, and I just had to know for sure. If he didn't want me
to, nothing would change. Really. But that didn't mean I wanted to be kept in
the dark.
"We've
never told anyone, or kissed where anyone could even hear, much less see us. Is it 'cause you're afraid of
what they'll think of you for kissing me right there in public?"
"No.
It's not as though I don't want them to know, but rather that I choose not to
flaunt it. Unlike the dirty kappa," he plucked gently at my hair,
straightening it a bit, "I don't have to advertise what we have to the
world to be content with it."
I
began to read between the lines—after so much time with Hakkai, how can a body
not start doing this out of habit?—and I sensed sheer possessiveness. I knew
there was logic there too; he didn't want to rile the others and risk any more "suggestions"
that I be removed from the monastery for good. He didn't want to make trouble
for me or himself, but moreover, he didn't want them to see that side of me. I
began to understand it then, and I have a much better grasp on it now; Sanzo
isn't a private person. The majority of his secrets aren't secrets at all, but
those few he holds dear, the few he hides away, ought to be his to do with as
he chooses. Our intimacy seems to be one of those things, and I don't mind it
at all. It tells me he treasures what he has with me as much as he treasures
the memories of Koumyou, and nothing could make me happier.
So
I leaned back on my heels, smiling up at him, and let my hands trail down his
arms. "Okay, Sanzo."
He
grinned and dipped his head to kiss me again, arms slipping tightly about my
body. "Because you are mine you
know, saru," he whispered.
"Yeah,"
I breathed back, damp hands trailing through his hair, down his cheeks, to rest
on his chest. And I thought I would like nothing better.
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